I’m just an ordinary guy

I thought I should introduce myself to some extent, so here we go. Bare with me because I’m awful at introductions.

I’m a 16 year old trans man from Suffolk, England (that’s part of the bump on the east coast if you didn’t know). I used to use tumblr a lot but some of the things I want to put out there or just write about are things that would potentially start a riot, it’s just not a very realistic environment. No where else in life could you re-label “political correctness” and have a whole army of “social justice bloggers” back you up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for equality, and can’t stand homophobia, transphobia, racism, or anything else of the kind, but there’s a point where it just all goes a little too far, and quite often I see that happening on tumblr. I can’t imagine the amount of anonymous hate I would get if I was open about all my thoughts on there, and often they’re not rational in forming an argument against you. I’m hoping that this is a more reasoned outlet.

I can get quite opinionated — but not to the point that I can’t be reasonable and see a different viewpoint I hope — about things, and I like to write about it. I love to write, but unfortunately I don’t do enough of that anymore. Blame the weather, blame my messed up hand, blame the fact that I made a mistake and landed myself on an engineering course and don’t have to write anymore. Most accurately, I don’t because there’s no point, there’s no one there to read it. I miss writing about things though, so here I am.

I don’t have many interests per se, I love history, and do a bit of photography, but that’s about it. For the first 15 years of my life I lived in a pub with my parents, and I think that caused some of my problems, but not all. Those problems being depression. At the moment I’m a few days shy of my last suicide attempt (23rd January 2012) that landed me in hospital. I can fairly confidently say that I am clear of my depression now, but I wouldn’t willingly admit it if I wasn’t okay. I’m transgender, lived a couple of years identifying as a gay female before then, and have a sort of gay girlfriend. I say “sort of gay” because she is sort of into the gay scene and has only been with girls in the past, but has always been okay with the thought that she might one day end up with a man.

I can’t really think of anything else to say, and anything else I’ll just write about anyway, but that’s a little bit about me.

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9 responses to “I’m just an ordinary guy

  1. Well its nice to meet you. What you said about all the hate on equality…? I totally get that- I mean, that is one of the reasons I started a blog; to express what I truly feel, anonymously, but also, to remember how I felt on a certain day.
    I have never liked tumblr…I always found that whenever I did post something, it was either that whoever commented or replied, it would always be sad, so pessimistic – Like all the pictures on there.
    Luckily now, I can just rant and talk about whatever is on my mind now…And I don’t care if people disagree, as you have to respect opinions, right?
    Anyway, it’s nice meeting πŸ˜€

    • People on tumblr either take it too far and it just becomes ridiculous, and it doesn’t help anyone because they’re too busy telling people to die or posting .gifs of overacted emotions to educate them on why they’re being offensive or hurtful. Remembering how I feel on a certain day is also really important to me, I really struggle to remember things that happened sometimes, and it’s nice to be able to look back and see what actually did happen sometimes.
      I spent a lot of time on tumblr, but now it feels like I’m always seeing the same photos on there, the same over emotional teenagers, and it’s just full of people wishing their lives were better. I used to be one of them, but now I’ve realised that sitting around reblogging photographs or getting excited over a fandom is just a waste of time.
      I’ve not spent much time on here, but what I have seen has been so much more rational and respectful. It’s much better!

      • That’s what I thought when I came here πŸ˜€ Yeah, the pictures on Tumblr just make too sad; there are a lot of depressed people on there – or, people who just want attention. Either way.

      • As someone who was depressed, I don’t think they want attention all the time, I think they just need to realise that they need to work to get out of it. Sitting and doing nothing with people who feel the same might make you feel like you’re not alone but it just makes that way of thinking feel normal.

      • Depression confuses me. I mean, a lot of people class normal sadness as depression, but I don’t know. I mean, two years ago I had a few months in my life where I didn’t want to talk, or sleep, but I felt suicidal; But I wouldn’t class that as ‘being depressed’, simply sadness, as depression seems more of long term kind of thing.
        Then again, I am often confused about these things.
        I guess I get annoyed seeing people reblog all these pictures.

      • To me there’s sad, and then there’s depression. I can’t tell when I’m getting depressed now, but I don’t think I can describe it properly, it just feels like I can suddenly see the colours and beauty in life again when I get out of it? That’s really clichΓ© but it does actually feel like that for me.

        I think what you felt then would probably be called depression, if it’s more than a couple of days then it’s normally more than just sadness (unless it’s something major that happened and you were grieving or something). Some people seem to think that it’s ‘cool’ to have mental health problems and self-diagnose, which I really hate. It just makes people take those who actually need help less seriously. When people are really depressed they tend to not want to admit it, and know it’s definitely not a cool label to want to wear.

      • Yeah, I don’t get those people. I mean, why label yourself in such a way? Yeah, it wouldn’t be something I would want to be labelled as generally…
        Is that what it is like? – I mean, reading blogs on here people say it is like the world is against them…They have no reason to want to live. Very sad topic, right? Well, I hope you don’t fall into that position again, the way you just described getting out of is how we should really view life…Like it is sacred.
        I like your style of writing, following you now! πŸ˜€

      • It’s awful, you just want to crawl into a dark hole and never move again until it goes away, except it doesn’t. Just walking around going through the motions of life that you have to and then crawling back into bed, it’s like constantly being tired and nothing makes you happy…

        I can’t describe how terrible it is, but my second biggest fear is getting depressed again, and my first is my girlfriend getting depressed because I know how awful it is and wouldn’t want anyone else to go through that. Life is wonderful and I’m just glad that I can see that now.

        Thanks πŸ™‚

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